Seeing Strangers Naked and Washing Private Parts

One thing I hadn't really pondered as I applied for nursing school was the frequency that you have to see and touch strangers private parts.

Not just nice, clean, healthy private parts. Sick ones and old ones. Yikes.

And then you have to wash them. Clean them. Put medicine on them, tubes into them, sometimes when the patient is fully aware of what you are doing.

As a woman, washing another woman wasn't a huge deal to me. But washing another man who was too sick to wash himself? Hmm. And how do you state your intentions as you are preparing to wash the guy?

So, for all those uncomfortable moments at the bedside, I have crafted a few choice phrases:

For the Very Affluent Rich Snob: "Very good sir, now I will retract the foreskin and clean around the preupice."

For the Nasty Old Man who Keeps Hitting On You and Won't Take a Hint: "All right now, I'm just going to clean your pen....where is it? Oh, sorry, I couldn't find it. It was hiding behind your finger!"

For the gang banger: "Yo shit stink, bro. Hommie gotta wipe the smack off, and no, we 'aint gettin' on the down low."

For the Hormonal Young Man: "Hey man, what up? Here's a bucket of warm water, soap and a washcloth are on the bedside table. Your girlfriend will be here in a few minutes, and I'll leave you two alone for an hour or so. Make sure she gets you nice and clean!"